How COVID-19 has impacted our kids, and how parents can help.

It’s been over two years since the world began suffering the effects of a global pandemic. As our society transitions into “the new normal,” many of us are processing what was lost in the years of massive lifestyle changes and collective trauma. As students return to the classroom, many parents are concerned about the ways in which the COVID-19 pandemic affected their children developmentally and emotionally. Identifying the effects of the pandemic on child development is now a crucial focus, and it is important for us to begin intervening in and supporting any delays or gaps in development for our kids.

One significant effect of the COVID-19 pandemic, particularly among younger children, is a limited understanding of what it was they just lived through. Several parents have described how difficult it was to explain to their children why they would not see their friends, not go to school, not go to parks and recreation areas, etcetera. It has been a very confusing experience for these kids, who were told what they had to do and what had to change without truly understanding why so many changes were taking place. This confusion has undoubtedly caused significant anxious distress for younger children.

 Young children also rely on social interaction, and particularly play activities, to communicate. Play is a “language” that we as adults become less fluent in over time. Thus, by limiting their social interactions, young children have had less opportunities to communicate and grow. Many of our children have regressed in their social fluency due to a limited ability to practice socialization, and this backtracking of communication skills and social experiences have put children at risk for delays in their expected development.

A particular emphasis should also be placed on how the pandemic has impacted our adolescents. Adolescence is a developmental period in which we expect teenagers to begin differentiating themselves from their family of origin and start experimenting with different interests and identities. Adolescents should be out developing their unique identities through peer interactions, and it’s developmentally expected for them to push back against their parents as they begin this individualization.

Instead, shutdowns have resulted the exact opposite of what we’d want to see, with teenagers spending almost all of their time with their parents and almost none of their time interacting with their peers. This has significantly limited their ability to progress along a normal developmental trajectory. High school seniors missed out on commemorative milestones like graduation ceremonies. College students lost a year of experience in independent living. In the past several months, we have seen a sharp increase in depression and anxiety among adolescents and young adults, which can be reasonably correlated with this unexpected halt in their developmental trajectory. 

 Below are some tips and ideas on helping your child fill in the developmental gaps lost due to the pandemic:

How can I help my child transition into post-pandemic life?

It is important to understand that returning to previous patterns of socialization, such as in-person learning, is not necessarily the relief we might expect it to be for our children. It was a jarring experience to rapidly take our children out of their social environment, and we need to expect it to be somewhat jarring to put them back into that environment after so many months in isolation. There is no returning to what was previously normal, as if this pandemic didn’t happen. Though it’s become a heavily used phrase, the next steps truly are about guiding our children into the “new normal.”

Parents can help their children ease into the new normal through slow gradual steps. Start with one-on-one or small group playdates rather than events like large birthday parties. Plan out activities for playdates and parties, rather than letting it be a “free-for-all” in terms of conversation or participation. Provide structured environments for socialization such as team sports or school clubs; this gives children shared experiences over which to converse as opposed to unstructured environments in which children may be unsure how to initiate social interaction.

Most importantly, don’t take away what works. Many children and adolescents found unconventional ways to socialize during the pandemic, and it’s important that some of these become conventional in the new normal. If your teenager coped with the pandemic by connecting with friends through group chats, social media, or online video games, do not suddenly put stronger limits on their screen time. If your child took up a new hobby or activity during the pandemic, help them connect with peers who also share that interest. The last thing we want to do is make our kids feel punished for pursuing the social survival strategies they acquired as part of their own coping.

Parents and children are transitioning into post-pandemic life at the same time; keep the communication open about wants, needs, excitement, and concerns so that you as a family can make the transition together. 

My child seems to be experiencing a lot of social anxiety. What can I you do?

Parents should validate and accommodate their children’s experiences of social anxieties. Ensure your child feels heard, understood, and respected by making reasonable alterations to social plans. For things that cannot be altered, such as school, help your child develop coping strategies for anxiety. For example, there are many Mindfulness activities children can learn and practice to help reduce anxious distress.

There are several resources on Mindfulness available online, as well as structured interventions than can take place with mindfulness instructors. Depending on the severity of the anxiety, it may also be beneficial for your child to participate in individual psychotherapy, and/or for your family to engage in family therapy services together.

It’s also important to determine the root cause of the social anxiety. Some children may experience mild social anxiety simply from all the adjustments related to the pandemic. For others, however, the pandemic served to highlight underlying developmental weaknesses that were previously less obvious.

This can include learning difficulties, struggles with understanding social language, attention problems, etcetera. If you have concerns about potential fundamental struggles that may have been exacerbated by the pandemic, consider seeking a psychological assessment to help determine the source of your child’s social anxieties as they transition into post-pandemic life. 

I think my child’s “people skills” have fallen behind; how can I help them catch up?

Parents can consider structured social skills groups and programs. There are many online and in-person social skills programs designed to help children and adolescents with their social development. These programs can help your child catch up on their “people skills” and feel more prepared to engage with peers and adults in social environments again.

Above all, allow time and give your child grace as they return to social interactions. The pandemic seemed to change the world overnight, but coming out of it is going to be a slow, gradual process. Most of us fell behind in our “people skills” over the last several months, and most of us are successfully catching back up over time and with more exposure to social encounters. Children are highly resilient and adaptable. With a loving and supportive home environment, it’s possible and likely that your child will catch back up the same way you did; with time, exposure, and grace.